Crawling Fashion

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As I drew the above cartoon, I harbored the unconscious assumption that only one of these things actually exists. But as I sit down to begin today’s post, I realize I might well be wrong about that. In fact, I’m certain I am and because of that, I don’t have the courage to google any of the other ones for fear of what I might see.

If the Internet has taught us anything (and actually, yes, it has taught us FAR too much) it’s that most of us didn’t know our own species as well as we thought we did. For one thing, you can type almost any random combination of words into a search engine and get countless URLs for websites by and for people who are interested in whatever it was you typed; they want to talk about it, eat it, smell it, wear it, improve it, end it, persecute it, worship it, change it, drive it, avoid it, sell it, have sex with it, you name it.

So, yeah, I’m sure there are people who do all of the things illustrated above and belong to clubs dedicated to the practice. But when I created this cartoon, I thought only one of them was a thing. (If you’re not certain which, it’s this one.)

Let’s see what interesting human behaviors Wayno has cataloged this week, shall we?…

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As much hype as there is in some communities about the Ten Commandments, have you ever noticed that only two of them are illegal in the U.S.? I’m talking about the prohibitions on murder and theft, of course. Adultery has been illegal in some communities at various times, but not in the U.S. (that I know of) for a very long time. You could say that “bearing false witness” is illegal in some senses—lying under oath—but lying in general is not illegal. If it were, the current president would have been executed by now. And if making a “graven image” were illegal, every sculptor and printer would be in jail, where, incidentally, it would be illegal for prisoners to make license plates. If all ten of the Ten Commandments were illegal, it would be a pretty brutal society with forced compliance to a specific religion, and one in which only a handful of mentally ill, sadistic fanatics would be happy. Sadly, it goes without saying that they’d all be Trump supporters and some would be current Republican members of Congress.

Of course, in light of recent events, it’s not hard to imagine the Supreme Court allowing something close to this to happen. I hope I’m either wrong about that or dead by the time it does. I’m always encouraged when I hear that the overwhelming majority of Americans under 40 are liberal. Perhaps there’s a revolution in our near future.

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According to studies, 62% of American high school students won’t get this joke. On another note, I totally love the tiny poop bag.

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How many of you Jazz Pickles who used to wait tables has had a customer talk about spawning?

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I already had one unsolicited political rant above, so I’ll leave this one be. Over on Wayno’s weekly blog post about this same group, he gets as political about this one as he ever does. He also has a bonus music video by The Kinks from waaaaaay back in the day. Nice stuff.

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If you’re in a skyscraper, the sight of anyone outside the window is pretty startling, no matter how they’re dressed. But if this is your job, that is an awesome outfit to wear to work.


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There’s already too much monkeying around in the break room as it is. Might want to consider a border collie to keep an eye on things.

Well, Jazz Pickles, our cartoon vehicle has crashed into the wall and our test dummies have gesticulated wildly. Thanks for checking out our airbags this week. If you like what we do and that we do it without ads, perhaps consider patronizing some of the links below. Every little bit helps keep the campfire burning at Rancho Bizarro.

Until next week, be happy, be smart, be nice, and resist ignorance and fascism.

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Dan Piraro24 Comments