Candy Whacking
I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday comic above is mine, as are all of the comments below.
Since January 2018, the Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics have been written and drawn by my comics partner, Wayno. They follow this commentary. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.
And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.
Good moment to you, Jazz Pickles.
Have you ever wished you were a piñata? I can think of ways most of us already are, and like everything in life, it includes a light and dark side.
First, the shadow: As children, we often approach life with abandon, not caring if we eat too much candy, neglect to send in our taxes on time, or forget to exercise regularly. We think we can be movie stars, astronauts, or drone pilots when we grow up, with no concept of the hard work and sheer luck it takes to achieve our dreams, or the awareness that drones don’t have pilots. Then, as adults, we get the stuffing beaten out of us by the realities of life as we get ready for another day as a robot’s personal assistant because there are no other jobs left.
Also, we can no longer eat many of our favorite foods because all that candy gave us diabetes. Wheee!
Now the bright side: Like piñatas, we are all beautiful, colorful, whimsical creatures full of sweetness. It’s no wonder children want to bust us open and scramble for our innards as they pour onto the ground. But if we manage to avoid children’s parties, the sky is the limit as we become colorful, paper-mâché, donkey-shaped astronaut drone pilots!
Instead of candy, some of us are full of weird, clumsy analogies like the ones above, and we become cartoonists, as evidenced by a couple of past efforts below.
Here’s something fun: An online art gallery in Los Angeles sells signed and numbered limited-edition prints of some of my favorite cartoons, as well as some of my original drawings of them. For the NEXT NINE DAYS, they’re having an AUCTION! That means you can nab a whole tote bag full of them at greatly discounted prices.
This is one of the ways in which human piñatas like me attempt to support ourselves so we won’t have to resort to renting ourselves out to children’s birthday parties. Thanks in advance for your help!
And one more fun thing before we go: My good buddy, Phil Witte, is a talented cartoonist and has published a damn fine book about the art of comics. If you’re a cartoon fan, you’ll enjoy this in-depth look at how and why we make these things. I’ve turned quite a few of Phil’s ideas into Bizarro comics over the years (with his permission), and gazillions of his cartoons have appeared in tons of publications. Here’s one of Phil’s now.
His book is not only hilarious and fascinating, but can be used as a shield against children with sticks who want your candy.
Enough about prints and Phil and piñatas; let’s see what Wayno’s weirdness has contributed to the world in the form of the week’s Bizarro comics…
This comic does double duty as a humorous graphic and a reminder not to sleep with your head too close to the fireplace.
As my drug dealer often says, “A little pot never hurt anyone.”
Wayno doesn’t see my Sunday comics until the day they publish, and though I see his comics weeks ahead of time, I don’t pay close attention to the dates. That’s a long, boring way of saying we did not plan to each do piñata comics this week.
I’d go with scotch.
Once I start eating potato chimps, I can’t stop.
I was in a garage band back in the ‘70s, and can attest to how hard it is to find a place to blast loud, amateurish noise without attracting the police.
That’s the piñata’s entire contents for this week, Jazz Pickles. We appreciate your readership, comments, and support. If you appreciate our efforts and that we offer them ad- and paywall-free, please consider helping us keep it that way via the links below. We thank you from the bottom of our paper-mâché donkey hearts.
The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week creative-writing subscription service.
Limited edition, signed & numbered prints of BIZARRO CARTOONS, and some ORIGINALS!
Bizarro TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!
WAYNO’S TIP JAR …One-time or repeating. Your choice!
My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY.
Watch my PITCH VIDEO and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.
Super fun BIZARRO SWAG from ComicsKingdom, including women’s V-neck styles! (And some weird shit from other comics that doesn’t even belong in our shop. Sorry about that.)