Jack and the Cabbage Head
I’m Dan Piraro, the creator of the Bizarro newspaper comic, and this is my weekly blog post. The large Sunday Bizarro comic above is mine, as are the comments below. The past week’s Monday-Saturday Bizarro comics that follow were written and drawn by my partner Wayno. For more fun, check out Wayno’s weekly blog post.
And here’s this week’s ANSWER KEY to my Sunday comic’s Secret Symbols.
————————————————————————————————————
Bienvenido, Jazz Pickles.
The title of this post, “Jack and the Cabbage Head,” refers to the title panel just below it. It depicts a scene from a story about the time Jack traded his family’s most valuable asset for some “magic seeds” that grew into a giant cabbage. No evil giant to rob, no golden goose to steal and make Jack’s family rich. Just a lot of stinky leaves. Not every fairy tale has a happy ending.
The moral of Jack and the Cabbage Head is to not invest your resources and belief in something without evidence to support its veracity. What kind of fool would think those seeds were actually magical, anyway?
But let’s not be too hard on Jack. He thought he had evidence that the guy selling him the magic beans was totally legit.
You see, in Jack’s country, there had been a reality TV show about that guy, which had depicted him as a powerful magician. He pretended to be tremendously successful and to have all kinds of magical seeds which he’d used to create his own fabulous wealth. Viewers thought he was the richest, most magical magician of all time.
What they missed was the fact that reality TV has no more to do with reality than the Tooth Fairy has to do with dental health. The man was not a magician, and his seeds were not magical. He was a conman who would gladly take anyone’s money if they were foolish enough to give it to him. Jack had been duped.
***
Fairy tales and myths are not literally true, but they reflect truths about real life that can be used to convey valuable lessons for us all.
But occasionally, a fairy tale will veer into traffic on the expressway of life, become true, and create a multi-vehicle catastrophe. Such is the Donald J. Trump presidency.
He is a person who starred in a reality TV show in which he pretended to be fabulously successful and smart. He later parlayed that theatrical conceit into convincing just enough people that he had the magical answers to all their problems, that he snuck into the famed Oval Office by a margin as narrow as a mouse’s whisker—twice—and sold the country on a handful of magical seeds. Those seeds are now growing into a big, stinky head of cabbage, and we’ve lost our most valuable asset: freedom.
In short, the mixed metaphor above has become a real boy. Thought by some to be a successful genius, he has always been a conman, willing to take anyone’s money who is foolish enough to give it to him.
Evidence: From 1973 until he was elected president in 2016, Donald Trump and his businesses were involved in over 4,000 legal cases in United States federal and state courts, including battles with casino patrons, million-dollar real estate lawsuits, personal defamation lawsuits, and over 100 business tax disputes.
Also, four bankruptcies in 25 years, found guilty of sexual assault and defamation, and convicted on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records (to mislead the electorate).
***
That is a description of a conman with no respect for you or the law, not someone any rational person would want to be in charge of their quality of life.
His administration has done more to dismantle our democracy in the past few months than any person or organization in our nation’s history since the Civil War. And now he wants to outlaw free speech.
Even some dutiful Republicans, still blinking in the harsh light of reality as they pull their heads out of their standard bearer’s ass, are complaining that he’s going too far, that free speech is the foundation of a free society. Even Trump-toadie Tucker Carlson said it just this week, “…if they can tell you what to say, they're telling you what to think...There is nothing they can't do to you because they don't consider you human.”
And they don’t think of the rest of us as humans. People in Trump’s circle, like Musk, call us “NPCs,” which is video game slang for “non-player characters.” Those are the characters that fill out the backgrounds of a game, but can’t actually act to change the outcome. They are expendable and killed off as needed.
They’ve behaved illegally and immorally towards we NPCs for months by disappearing immigrants—legal, law-abiding, or not. We’ve seen them threaten universities and professors who teach things they don’t like, and we’ve now seen them force the firing of comedians who make jokes that hurt their feelings.
***
This kind of crackdown on dissent is a hallmark of authoritarian regimes. The weak often perceive this behavior as a display of strength, but the true motivation is another hallmark of authoritarians: deep, profound insecurity.
It is why they seek to control everyone and everything, and stamp out dissent in all forms. It is why they put huge statues and paintings of themselves in public view. It’s why they decorate their environs with gold tchotchkes and plaster their name on everything they own. It’s why they surround themselves with loyal sycophants instead of experts who may tell them something they don’t want to hear.
And it’s why they can’t stand to be laughed at.
And, yes, authoritarians are also narcissists. But narcissists do not so much believe they are superior as fear that they are not. Again, driven by insecurity.
Insecurity is also the driving force behind racism, misogyny, nationalism, homophobia, bullying, and bigotry of all kinds. A confident, strong, emotionally balanced person does not need to dominate or control others.
At the individual level, this kind of painful inferiority complex is to be pitied and deserves our compassion. But when such a person begins to inflict their insecurities on the world through the force of law or armed goons, they must be stopped at any cost.
***
Some of our readers hate it when I write about politics, and I agree with them. I hate it too. It’s like bathing in toxic chemicals, and I always lose a few from my mailing lists as a result. But to me, freedom from tyranny is more important than my personal comfort or the approval of my readers. An essential element to defeating authoritarianism is for enough people to overcome apathy and inertia and do something.
There are far more of us who see the conman than those who see the hero. Don’t just hope it goes away; say something, do something.
But before we do something more serious, let’s chuckle at some of Wayno’s Bizarro cartoons for the week. Enjoying our lives despite the dumpster fire is a valid form of resistance.
If this one gives you a moment of confusion, think: M.C. Escher, PAC Man, and G.I. Joe.
It starts with your habit of hiding the six versions of your true self.
I once said that to a cop, through my driver’s side window.
I wasn’t well-versed enough in comic lore to get this joke until I looked up the Hulk. Bruce Banner became him by being exposed to gamma rays. (You’re welcome, or I’m sorry.)
It is said that Trump’s deputy something-or-other, Stephen Miller, is crated during daylight hours in a box of soil from his homeland.
I love Wayno’s comment on this cartoon in his blog post this week.
That’s it for this week, Jazz Pickles. Thanks for bringing your fermented self for a visit. If I’ve not been disappeared for disagreeing with the would-be emperor, I’ll be doing this again next weekend.
The Naked Cartoonist…My every-other-week subscription creative writing and comics service.
Bizarro TIP JAR One-time or repeating. Your choice!
WAYNO’S TIP JAR One-time or repeating. Your choice!
My (free) graphic novel in progress, PEYOTE COWBOY
Watch my pitch video and become a supporter of Peyote Cowboy here.
Signed, numbered, limited-edition prints and original Bizarro panels
COMICS KINGDOM SHOP Now with Bizarro shirts, prints, & other crap!
