The Nature of Nature
Bizarro is brought to you today by Minnie’s Augmentation.
Bienvenidos, Jazz Pickles, to my first post on this new blog format. Please pardon me if elements are wildly the wrong size or the entire post smells vaguely of horseradish.
From bones through our noses in primitive times to fake boobs today, as a species, we humans have long attempted to alter the way we look. But no group I can think of is more determined not to let nature have its way with their bodies than those in and around show business.
It makes sense that if you make your living by being a particularly attractive specimen of a particular category of human, you’re going to need/want to hold that standard longer than time and gravity might normally allow, so you do what it takes to achieve it. Radiating out from show business, those who admire the exemplary mammals on screen want to emulate their idols and indulge in similar image-altering activities. At some point, however, individuals and societies begin to lose sight of what real humans look like and may need reminding at the Museum of Natural Anatomy which is needed perhaps nowhere more than in Los Angeles.
I lived in L.A. for a few years and used to regularly tell folks, “You can tell I’m still new here because my teeth are still the color of human teeth.” This comment was usually met with a look of horror.
If you’re wondering what horrors one might’ve encountered in Wayno’s House of Cartoons and Wax last week, read on…
Conspicuously missing from this list is jumbo rice, quinoa on the cob and kale cookies.
I’ve suffered from restless leg syndrome for years and the only thing I can say for sure is that it is better than wrestler’s leg syndrome.
Watching this guy cook a bowl of spaghetti could take the better part of a week.
And thus ends the local controversy over whether or not the duck costume should have been equipped with pants. (Full disclosure: I voted “no” on pants and “yes” on anatomical accuracy.)
Researchers have recently discovered that the songs of whales are not about communication but are actually an attempt to get the song, “Hotel California” out of their head.
Hey, lady—if he offers to drive you home while he explains it, don’t go.
That concludes the week’s Jazz Pickle Hootenanny. Thanks for tapping your toes along with our band. If you like what we do, perhaps you’ll consider dropping something into the Tip Jar or one of the other links below that we use to keep things going.
Until my next post, be nice, be happy, be smart, and resist ignorance and fascism.
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