Bizarro Blog
Search the blog:
Home Groan
I'm all for urban gardening and if you live in an apartment building, your only option may be your roof. If you've ever tried to grow a garden on your rooftop you know that one of the biggest problems is flying deer eating your plants on Christmas Eve. Another is drone cameras spotting your plants and reporting you to the DEA.
Rise & Fall
Like quicksand, bottomless pits are one of those things that explorers of uncharted territory are taught to look out for. I always appreciate it when people take the time to label such things but also wonder how the person who erected this sign knew the pit had no bottom.
Bunny Slope
I love stupid criminals. If I loved stupid politicians half as much, I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing right now. Instead, I left the U.S. and moved to Mexico so that I would not be trapped on the wrong side of "The Wall" when the Apricot Satan declares martial law after an election his Russian friends weren't able to finagle for him.
Last Survey
The inspiration for today's cartoon came from my longtime friend and cartooning colleague, Jim Horwitz. You can see his daily cartoon, Watson on his FB page here. And here is a pic of Jim with Wayno and me. We're all dressed up because we were attending a funeral. We're laughing because it was the funeral of an enemy.
Close Shave
A few commenters admonished me about the above cartoon because "beheadings are no laughing matter." Then I got some comments about sensitive skin being no laughing matter, and one about big, hairy, shirtless men in leotards being no laughing matter. I totally agree with that last one.
Bacon in the Sun
At first, this seems like a very dangerous situation for Señor Cerdo, because there are a lot of humans who cannot resist the smell of cooking pig. But fear not; Señor Cerdo is nobody's fool––he and his esposa patronize exclusively swine-only beaches and they always make it back home with their bacon bits intact.
Safety Scythe
If you have kids, chances are that from time to time, your Sunday looks a bit like the scene above. That's why it's important to be certain the kids are using blunted weapons and farm implements in their playtime. You can never be too safe; as you can see, the Grim Reaper's kids are using safety scythes even though they have no eyes to lose.
SubCluckles
In the past year and a half that I've been living in Mexico and learning Spanish, it has occurred to me many times that the only difference between a language a bunch of meaningless noises made with the mouth is a number of people getting together to agree to use the same noise(s) in a given situation.
Creepy Friends
"Emotional Support Therapy Animals," or whatever you prefer to call them, have been in the news lately but I don't read much of that sort of news so I'm not sure what the stories are about. Just for fun, let's assume that the stories were about airlines cracking down on people putting "support animal" vests on their pets when they don't actually need them, then, when asked if they have an actual need for the animal, people get indignant and pissed off that an airline is questioning their disability, when, in fact, they actually don't have one.
Tall Tail Tales
This week's Sunday cartoon is a fun little twist of expectation and I had a grand time drawing it. I'm a fan of lizards (though I do not have any as pets) particularly the prehistoric-seeming nature of them, so drawing them is always a treat.
Dangerous Crops
There was a time when people were romantic about America's "heartland," as though it was where good, wholesome, moral, honest folks came from, as opposed to "big city folk".
All Natural
It's a fun day for Bizarro Jazz Pickles. Not only are there TEN Secret Symbols to find in today's comic (click it to embiggenate it and begin your search!) but I've created a fun, new T-shirt design that I think those of you with a touch of social courage and a certain opinion of overly-used, overly-cute images will enjoy tremendously.
Driven
I've taken Uber or Lyft a few dozen times and with one exception, have always had a positive experience. The exception was in LA and the guy driving our car seemed friendly enough to Olive Oyl and me but was prone to honking at other drivers, cussing them out under his breath, and weaving through traffic to cut people off that he thought had offended him.
Hot Crackers
Olive Oyl and I are not big enough fans of technology to want one of those thingamajigs––whatever you call them––in our house, but we do like to appear to our friends to be "hip" and up-to-date, so I spray painted a tomato juice can black and put it on our coffee table.
A Mile In My Shoes
Remember when you were young and in a band and going to loud concerts and you ignored the advice of adults who warned you about protecting your hearing? Well, as clueless and uncool as those decrepit geezers seemed, either they were correct or they cruelly cast a voodoo spell on you as punishment for ignoring their advice, and you can now only hear about 85% of the syllables people aim at you.